Who Am I?

Birds are chipping
And I’m trying to stay awake
These days are hurting
All these days feel fake
Like plastic bottles
I feel so used
And disposable
I’m so confused
In the afternoon
No morning
Just hit the snooze
I’m still learning
How to smile
And be okay
I’ll run a mile
If I could only keep pace
I think I’d be fine
People see me like a floor
Walk in a straight line
The doors still open
But I’m waiting
Instead of doing
I’m hesitating
Instead of looking
In the mirror
I don’t see a reflection
Just fears
And rejection

Circle of Light

He said why would you leave when this is the first time you’ve had something real?
And I keep asking myself the same question and get nothing back
He said look at your life he sees exactly how you feel
And all you do is make his heart crack

All I see is a circle of light
And I’m outside it
And I can’t fight it
It’s growing alive
Like the energy from the sun
It lifts me up
But all I want to do is run
And give up
The circle can never break
Its a cycle, its a routine
It must ache right?
No, I feel no pain
Even when I see him in the light
I am still in the dark
No way inside
What beats in my heart
What I can’t hide

He sees what you don’t
He likes you on the inside
He sees what you won’t
He like you on the out

Sees you in the light
He sees you in the stars
Sees you at night
And in his heart

Just Like the Rest of Us

Dark black sky
Delirious rain
Scatters gold butterflies
Fluttering like they’re in pain
Scarlet fever got you bad
Better get some medicine
Or you’ll go mad
Just like the rest
Of us
If only you could see
Love instead of lust
Maybe then you’d be free
Oh it’s always a question
But there’s no point in trying
But let me make a suggestion
Why try if you’re already dying?
There’s love instead
Love is patient
Waiting room chairs
Same in every language
But nobody seems to care
Lust like a full bed
But still feels empty
Like you’re already dead
Are you sure you know freedom?
Understood the meaning
Of our eyes in distress
From our hearts bleeding
Oh what a tragic mess
Better come down from above
Or you’ll be just like the rest
Of us

Locket

Mercy from pain
The picture she wears in her locket
Travels on an old fashioned train
He travels by rocket ship
Her curls like red glassy eyes
Cheeks like cotton in a festival
With dozens of pretty lights
The sun comes to a halt
And the clouds cover the sky
Silver ring and diamond night
He is a star up so high
Shining so bright
Like a pyramid
Lime stone green
In the middle of nowhere
Seeing what is unseen
A gem so rare
But so difficult to find
And so dull
It does not shine
But so beautiful
And she in the picture
She does not see

Waiting for the Goodbye

I’m trying to think how to put my words together
Scribbled circles and crossed out places
Did you not think once to surrender?
New setting, old streets, new and bold cold faces
This world is full of places to tie your shoes
And fix your hair
Sometimes when you throw the ball you’ll either win or lose
And sometimes you’ll throw your hands up in the air
Sunny skies
Dark thoughts
Stomach full of butterflies
You don’t want to get caught
Write a letter to yourself
Get it in the mail
Reading it you’d think it’s someone else
So unreal like a fairytale
Yep you’ve been caught
But everyone is a criminal
They will lie and they will cheat
But they have souls
That they will never see
Just a skeleton in a dusty closet
My thoughts turn to you
I was turned on by your brain
But what I found out is that was all untrue you were just looking for something to gain
And that was me ya that was me
Lights dimmed low
His lips pressed to the mike
Drum and bass guitar solo
Everything I will remember from that night
Now lies in my head
Everyday day that went by
Left me feeling dead
I was just waiting for the goodbye
Because you see freedom is never free without a fight
And love is never love without a price.

Lepers

Another glass of wine
Talking in code
The words left undefined
So many answers untold
And you sit on the stage
Pink and purple dancer
At such a young age
You started to wonder
Why, you were put on this Earth
History maps full of oceans
And since birth
The confusion overlaps
With rhythm and motion
Scissors slice the bar
Blinds softly closed
Loneliness is at war
And the world within grows
Into the dream you can’t forget
Like a flower it doesn’t bloom
Wake up, wake up alarm not set
It’s already the afternoon
Dirty face
Whisky breath
Alone and you pray
That it hasn’t happened yet
The bottles are empty
Blue as the eyes of a boy
Green as the climbing ivy
The city buildings that they’ve destroyed
It seems as though they have bigger problems
Always looking for a reason
They’ve got a lot of them
Four seasons
And all of them the same
But different colors
No one to blame
Because we are each other.

The give her

I’ve given you money
To go by yourself a pair of new shoes
You think you’re so funny
When you treat people so rude
I’ve seen you point your finger At the cars passing by
I’ve witnessed your eyes linger
At the stop signs
I’ve handed you time
I’ve walked next to you
The ground is alive
And the sky is so blue
But you turn to me
And shake your head
I give you everything
And your heart still feels dead
He held your waist
you held your wrist
He wasted your time
And felt his fist
And all he gave you was a fine
I hope you pay it off
Go back to your house
Turn off your phone
Lay on your couch
Quiet and alone
Feel the moment
With nothing there
Begin to float
On thin air
The invisible sign
The never ending river
You take what is mine
Because you know I’m a giver
Put your head down
Imaginary sea
Can’t come down
Because now you are free

Cap and a Gown Everything’s changing Even the furniture is rearranging In my cluttered mind Everyone’s talking to me Saying “You’re going to be fine.” Because now you are free Put your hands up high They were all right When they said “Life’s a rollercoaster ride.” Now hold on tight And don’t scream, just laugh and smile instead You know, I know they made sense Because now I can see the sun Yes we make mistakes, but we learn our lessons And we may think that we are done But there’s more to the story So keep reading Don’t be worried If you’re still rereading The past It’s good to go back to the old memories Time sure does go fast So take all the time that you need Here I go on my own Down the grass field Oh look at how I’ve grown I can’t believe this is really real My heart it pounds As a walk to the stage All the cheering sounds And I look out to the crowd And see my momma proud Now I know, yeah, now I know it is time to turn the page. I got my tickets And my city and my train And everything perfect And my heavy brain I know what is coming Is something I always pushed away It is the future, It is so bright And it is so clear Because now I know, yeah now I know, Everything it going to be alright.

These cities were once land Grass and territory All they needed was man And a women’s purgatory To see beyond the rain But not the mountains To see the painting but not the frame And to hear a voice without the sound Gold is pure But silver is rare Glass is a mirror You see what is there It’s a book Of lines That once stood For the passing of time Close villages So far apart Lost millions Of stolen artifacts Now they where white Which, refers to the lord and savior Jesus Christ The book said do what is in your favor But do not love and do not sin Pray and renew your vows The lord always forgives But not always allows One to be him One to be her One to shiver In the cold streets of December

I believe there is a cure; a cure for the poor, lonely, depressed, sick, rich, homeless and afraid. Everything that is created was once destroyed, nothing was how it is a trillion years ago today. Today is a special day because today won’t and will not be like any other day because today is now and we have to live for the now. One moment I’m sitting in class and I thought sprints across my mind, I am too slow to catch it ( I’m now thinking I should’ve joined the track team) the thought disappears into a white mist and reappears on the faces of others surrounding me, although, nobody chooses to voice that thought, it still lingers in the back of our brains; in an airport lost and found, in a parking lot, at a sandy beach, on an old country farm. The next minute, the alarm goes off, or at least I think it did- it screeches through the hallways and into my ear, I am yet the only one covering my ears. As people pay no attention to this strange unusual sight, I take a new fresh breath in and hold it, by now, I know I look strange and so does the sky and I let out a loud sigh, as everyone stares, I walk out the door. “Is this how life really is?” I ask myself. “Why am I here?” I don’t have to be here, I could be gone, my parents didn’t have to meet, or live in the same neighborhood, my mother could’ve rejected him, and I could’ve never even existed. But I am here, I am here for a reason and no I am not here for God, (You know the word God has to be capitalized) but the words of great cities, usually end up with a red squiggly line underneath it. I am sure she said “Hi” to me, but I am sure she was the first to say “Goodbye” to me, my best friend ignored me for so long the parts of my heart erased the memories and feelings that made me feel happy and free but now they are gone and I guess it doesn’t matter at all because that was then and this is now.

fg