I’m Going to Hell for Telling the Truth

First you say you don’t care
But then the next day you say you do
But I’m not giving you time to think it through
Because I already have
And I’m never coming back
A girl I didn’t know
Said I was stupid
I bet she was beautiful
I bet it’s useless
Information because all you wanted was my reaction
All you wanted was for me to get mad
To fill your satisfaction
Yeah, I am sad
I’m crying for you
My tears are tears of happiness
Cuz I know you don’t know how to tell the truth
Because the tears are for me
You’re self-centered
It’s all about you
It’s all bad weather
The sky is never blue
You said the tears were for you
But that’s just another lie you’ll tell
What you say is never ever true
I’m going to hell
For telling the truth to your face
I’m going to hell
For putting you in your place
I’m going to tell
you the truth
You’ll tell me lies
It’s useless
So goodbye
Goodbye
Goodbye

Bright Blue Eyes

When I see you smiling I wonder why you are
Because you always seem to make your life so hard
Trying to get others to feel sorry for you
For you? Your eyes are bright blue
But no way are they true
Who are you trying to fool?
Trying to play it cool
Like you never knew
But you knew everything that I said
To you when you lost your head
So many thoughts before bed
Wanting to make the bathroom floor red
You prayed one day to be dead
And I said, I said don’t think
Don’t think about me
When those bright blue eyes of yours can’t see
In-between the lines of white
And you lose the fight
With the questions at night
Out of mind, out of sight
Where did I go?
I was told
You were too old
For these problems
And when I tried to solve them
You blamed me for all of them
Like you had no fault
Did a somersault
And flipped onto the next day
You just want to play
And have your mistakes fade
Don’t rain on my parade
Even if you had tried
I will always stay dry
And pretend I am fine
All I did was cry
For the wrong guy
His bright blue eyes
Staring at me
I heard the lies
But truth set me free.

Forget-Me-Not

I’m counting down the days
Until you come back from where you are
I wish I was in that place
But it’s so far, far away
I’ll just wait for now
I’ll be thinking about you
I’ll get by somehow
I have nothing to lose
I’m just waiting
Waiting for something to happen to me
Painting I’ll be creating
Expressing my misery
In bright colors
A beautiful garden
Admired by others
Let your shell harden
Writing my name
In the bottom right hand corner
Nail it to a wall, let it hang
Signed up as an organ donor
Visited a friend from 20 million miles away
Revved your engine
Not planning to stay
Just closed your eyes and imagined
A room full of people you didn’t know
But they smiled and danced like the rain falling down
It fell fast and then it fell slow
Your lips move but you don’t make a sound
They can’t hear you
But I guess that’s okay
You had nothing true
That you lips could say
But I still listened
And you smiled and said you are my best friend
So I smile and pretend
That this won’t be the end
It’s the end of my pain
Because I cover it up with an umbrella
Protecting me from the pain
I run away like Cinderella
But keep both of my shoes on
No man searched for me
My soul is honest
But it’s not free
It’s a ball and chain
The flowers bloom
The floral design on the frame
Surrounding the painting with invisible gloom
Color outside of the lines
No straight, no zigzag, no dotted
No go, no slow, no stop signs
The apples from the trees are rotten
I try to take a bite of them
And I taste dirt
There’s no juice left
This feeling hurts
Barren sky
Empty fields
No tears to cry
Bleeding but the wounds have healed
It just won’t come out
Out! Out! Come out darn stain
I can’t scream, I can’t shout
The feeling remains
But I can’t feel a thing
I can frown but feel nothing
It doesn’t sting
I can’t feel anything
I am so far,far away
From what is real
So I’ll keep waiting for the day
Until I can feel
When my heart starts to beat
And the line zigzags
Until someone takes a seat
And leans back
And closes their eyes
Not falling asleep
Until their body dies
And they awake in a dream
Collected memories
Like seashells from a beach
Like tombstones from a cemetery
Hold out your hands and reach
For the one that you’d swear you’d never touch
Grab it and put it back into your brain
You just need to learn to trust
Don’t forget, don’t erase
Things happen and we can’t change them
We all make mistakes
We just have to face them
Paintings of forget-me not’s
Bloom in the spring
That’s got to say a lot

We Are Nowhere

I’m writing a story with no ending
It will just go on and on
My pen will never run out of ink
There will be no more writers block
Just the pen moving
Without feeling
Just writing
My misery
Those sad blue eyes
Give me no mystery
I can see the lies
Here we go again
Touching lips
When we’re supposed to be just friends
But I have no regrets
I wanted to touch
I just wanted to forget
What killed our love?
What killed our love?
In the back of my mind I can see the future
The past is just a blur
We are nowhere
I don’t want to remember
So I keep on moving my pen
No feelings there
Here we go again
We are nowhere.

Forever

I tried so hard to believe in love
When I felt like it was just lust
I was free but I didn’t run
I thought I was able to trust

Now I’ve tripped over rocks and dirt
Just to be confused and unhappy
And here I am again feeling hurt
Sometimes I ask, what’s wrong with me?

Was it something I did?
I’m sorry I don’t know how to fix things
Thank you for getting rid of me
Now you’ve finally set me free

Into the cruel cold world
But I don’t mind that’s okay
I’m just a lost girl
But I’ll find my way
Without you

Yeah, none of it mattered
It was doomed from the start
I had so many questions that you couldn’t answer
You just wanted to break my heart

Everything you meant to me
Yeah, I know you did a lot for me
You’d buy me anything
And then end up making me feel guilty

I didn’t even buy it
Just like I’m not buying it now
So I’m just gonna stay quiet
I’m not gonna stick around

Like this anymore
Maybe I loved you
But I don’t know what for

I thought I knew you
But it was all a lie
You’re not the guy I thought you were
So this is goodbye,
Forever.

Green

Tell me you’re sorry
I tell you you’re not
You run out in a hurry
Like you got somewhere to go
But everybody knows that’s a lie
Because you spend your days alone
Under a the covers where you cry
I’m sorry that I’m not sorry
Maybe it’s because you deserve it
Yes, and I don’t care about you
I don’t care about all your lies and all your bullshit
Honey, I’m happy when I’m yellow and happy when you’re blue
Mixed those colors together and what do you get?
You get green
You haven’t learned yet
That everyone is mean
The sweetest smile is sugar coated with lies
But I know you’ll still fall for it
Because you can’t stand goodbyes
Paper or plastic?
I know you’ll choose plastic because it bends
Unlike paper that rips
Because I know you like to bend the truth
All the lies that spew from your lips
Permanent broken promises underground roots
Water them with dignity
Shine with hatred
I hope you feel happy
All the lies you watered
With green leafs sprouting
From the tiny branches
Keep on denying
No more chances
No more red
Only green
Only dead
Trees

Numb Heart

I thought you were different
But I was wrong
Just admit it
You’ve been so strong
But so weak at the same time
Darling, why are you sad?
Please don’t cry
It’s not that bad
You could make it worse
But that’s only because you try
You did it on purpose
Now you want to die
Stop where you are
Think about it
You still see the scars
Now it’s just become a habit
Looked in the mirror
See a smiling face
But on the inside so insecure
Can’t remember the name
Written on your hand
In black ink
No one understands
You don’t think
You just do
And you think you’re so strong
But you’re only confused
You were wrong
And you know it
And it’s hard to punch
But you can’t give up the fight
It’s not enough, it’s not enough
I never wanted to feel this way
I built up so many walls
And pushed love away
I don’t want my heart to feel anything at all

The Past Life

Some people only get old
But never grow up
At least that’s what I’ve been told
Maybe it’s true that I’ll never be enough
I get dirty looks everywhere I go
Charcoal black faces
I know they all know
My past mistakes
They stare at photographs
I gaze into a crystal ball
All they do is point and laugh
No one’s there to catch me when I fall
Break the concrete ground
Bend the wire fence
No one’s there to hear the sound
No one’s there to listen
But I was there
When you broke down
When no one else cared
I was around
But where were you?
When you got better
I remained blue
I never mattered
It’s all in the past
It’s gone
And I can’t take it back
I know what I did was wrong
But what can I do?
What can I do?
I’m afraid of what the future holds
I’ll smile but will I really be happy?
They’ll never grow old
And I’ll never be free.

Closet Full of Pink

Eyes like autumn in New York City
Perfume like the kind his sister wore
Legs crossed like train tracks
Coffee cup warm like an ill child’s forehead
he licks his thumb to turn the page
looks up to the sky to see flying machines
Buzzing like bees
And humming like harmonicas
First step up to his apartment
Two floors and rectangle doors
Each floor with fresh spring Daisy’s
The lady with furry sweaters
And piled unpaid bills
Smells like tobacco and posies 
Drops her child of at daycare
Shopping cart full of groceries
Record player spins around like a windmill
Sun scatters across the wall and onto the bed
Red scarlet hair and bleach washed sheets
He folds the paper up
And throws out the coffee cup
The boy takes some pills
And takes a cat nap
Red and blue ball
Supper is ready
Table is set
One foot on the front step
A hallway that smells like summer rain
The old lady smells like perfume
He hurries up the stairs
And up to his room
She locks the door behind her
He opens the door
Sits down
Unfolds the paper
Front page cover
The closet full of pink
And the date says tomorrows date
The smell of sweet perfume
And eyes like rain
And she comes out behind him
Hides and doesn’t say a word

The Perfect Picture

No time for self diagnosis
Just mix up the potions
To balance my emotions
I keep pressing the screen
Why is it so mean?
It doesn’t let me see
The perfect picture
Too fuzzy and the screen goes black

And now I’m standing in nature
And all I see are old artifacts
Each one so special
But there’s ones I don’t see
Those made of gold just look like medal
They are in the ground buried.

A jar full of air
I look through it and see magic
When I’m in despair
And it’s tragic
But is it really?

I tap on the glass
And I hear nothing
Except a crash
Starving for some loving
Reaching for attention
Fighting for sanity
Sorrow from rejection
Burning in vanity

I press the button
And it stops on the 13th floor
And all of a sudden
I see a red rose door
I open it and what do I see?
Hanging on a white wall
A hard to see painting
Looking as though it might fall
And if it does who will pay?
Who will return it to its owner?

Imagined if it stayed
Imagine if I’d known her
Think if I just listened to the airplanes
Instead of the birds
Think if I didn’t try to cover up the pain with drugs
What if I was mature
And didn’t sweep my worries under the rug

Ya I can’t see
From the front or back
Made a memory
With a camera flash

It’s a perfect picture
A perfect picture
No matter fuzzy
Or torn
We were born
With a purpose
Nothing done on purpose
There are accidents
Some we can’t prevent

A glass jar
Is just a glass jar
An airplane is a machine
A bird fly’s with wings
Your body is an object
Who’s to object?

The rain is weather
The note wrote is a letter
Paper and pen
No emotion
Just checking in
The sky is the sky
Life is to live
And sometimes it’s goodbye
It’s all how you define
What goes on in your mind

Hanging inside out
Lost and found
Hanging upside down
It doesn’t mean a frown

Stand from far away
It doesn’t change
Because it’s the perfect picture
No matter which way